Melancholy calls…

I feel strange. I mean technically, I always feel strange, but that’s just me.

He wanted to see me. But I didn’t want to see him.

He wanted to spend time with me. But I didn’t want to spend time with him.

I know that one day I’ll want to see him and he won’t want to see me any longer. I miss him right now…

Maybe that’s just because I’m listening to melancholic piano music. I should stop doing that immediately. I know my blog-posts suck lately, but there’s not much I’d want to write about. Sometimes I want to be with him and sometimes I don’t. Perhaps it’s because he’s too clingy, but being too clingy can be cute. I wish my life was a dream. I could do whatever I want. Be happy 24/7. Sometimes I wish I could do something with him just the two of us, but then I get scared and cancel all of our plans. Why do I keep doing this? I like him and he likes me. Why am I making things more complicated than they really are??? To be honest, I’m mean, self-absorbed, narcissistic and cunning. He’s the sweetest guy ever and I can’t deal with sweetness. Too much sweetness can suffocate me.

I SHOULD FOCUS ON MY WORK.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to STOP PROCRASTINATING. Didn’t quite work out yet… I swear I’ll be productive this week! I’ll work out at least 15 minutes a day and I’ll study at least 45 minutes a day from now on. And I’ll try to be a nicer person. I should stop being an evil bitch sometimes. I don’t wanna be the villain in my story. Or in his story. I wanna be the princess. Not the princess bitch.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

ATTENTION SEEKER

I wanted attention. However, now that I have it, I don’t want it any longer. But I know if I stopped getting the attention I get now, I’d want to get it again and then I’d be sad and end up questioning my whole existence at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I’m not the typical attention seeker since I’m quite shy around people I don’t know well. But I’m definitely an extrovert. I’m an extrovert who sometimes has a break though. Like when I’m in a group of good friends, it’s hard to make me stop talking since I really love to talk – especially about c’est moi. I’m a singer, pianist and songwriter who’s scared of performing. I can’t even perform in front of my own mother. I completely embarrassed myself today when the guy I like wanted to go to the music room with me and I couldn’t play a single piano piece. The problem is that the minute I know someone’s watching me or listening to my music, I totally freak out and forget everything I know about music, pianos and the world. Especially when I’m with a person I genuinely care about. However, when it’s just me and my piano, everything’s different. My recordings prove that. Even though I’m way better in real life. He was really looking forward to seeing me perform and I was a complete disappointment. I mean, he’s head over heels for me so he kept telling me that I’m a pretty good pianist, singer etc., but I know I could’ve done better. Next time 😛

Why are feelings so complicated? I’ve always wanted to find a guy who genuinely cares about me, gives me little presents, is polite, funny, friendly, a true sweetheart, creative, interesting and smart and now that I’ve found him, I don’t know what to do with him. What would I do with him if we were in a relationship? Place him on my windowsill and water him twice a day? I feel like I’m a relationship-autist. Or maybe I’m a hunter. Now that I’ve hunted him down, I don’t want him any longer. That’s not how it works though. He’s a really good guy. A really really good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Most of my friends would be lucky to have him. Why don’t I want him then? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Maybe I should really give him a chance. He definitely deserves it.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Merry Christmas, bitches!

It’s this time of the year again: everyone spams Instagram with pictures of their dogs/cats/children/washing machines in Santa costumes.

I looked up the hashtag #savethewhales yesterday and came across a guy who posted a picture of whale steaks using this hashtag. This world is a cruel place full of stupid people. Or genius people depending on how you look at it. I love and hate Christmas at the same time. I love the food, music, atmosphere etc., but I hate the fact that it doesn’t even snow here any longer. Fuck the global warming! It once again screwed us over. Thanks for ruining my Christmas, bitch! But seriously if I were the good fairy from Cinderella, then I’d use my wand and sing “Bibbedy Babbedy Back off” and then it would finally snow and my Christmas would be saved. I don’t need snow to be in a Christmas mood, but it certainly helps. Even though the snow in Winter Wonderland in London was fake, I could still pretend that it’s real. That’s the spirit! But I might be able to see real snow today. Hopefully…

I watched Naomi’s and Ely’s no kiss list today and I realised that my best friend is like Ely to me. Apart from the fact that he’d never make out with my boyfriend. Even I didn’t wanna make out with him hence why I dumped him. But I’m the cool, pretty chic that gets all the attention from guys and yet, I prefer spending time with my bestie. Do crazy things and have fun together. I really miss him… That’s one thing I hate about Christmas: Christmas holidays. I mean I love holidays, but I don’t love the fact that I’m not able to see my friends as much as I want to. But everything has an end and there are only 2 weeks of the holidays left so I’ll survive. I hope. There’s this guy I kind of like though… I miss him and he misses me as far as I can tell. We didn’t really spend much time together, but he’s trying to change that. I just don’t know if I want it to change. I mean he’s nice and cool and cute and everything, but he’s a friend and I don’t wanna lose him and my other friends because I don’t like him. But I DO like him. It’s complicated. I’m like Naomi. But anyways, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and keep posting pictures of your pets and your grandma in a Santa costume to keep me entertained 😉

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Disconnected.

I don’t have wifi so I have no idea when you’ll be able to read this blog-post. If you’re reading this, it means that my wifi is back or that I’ve found another way to upload this. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. I might have a crush on my Italian friend now… But maybe I’m imagining things. I get at least two new crushes per week. My last three crushes aren’t even crushes any longer. Forget about eyebrow-guy (who hasn’t even replied to my message yet), NGND and all of the others. I should just stay friends with them and not take it any further. If there’s a guy I really like and who likes me back, then I might consider being in a relationship with him. It seems like I’m obsessed with this topic lately. But now I’ve found something productive to do (which doesn’t involve doing course work or studying for my exams): writing.

Not only writing blog-posts, but short-stories and transforming these short-stories into scripts and making films out of the scripts. That’s what film-making is all about: passion for the subject and original ideas. You need both to be successful, but you also need talented actors, a good camera-man, editors, and a marvelous director. Who knows? Maybe you’ll see one of my films on screen one day. Never say never. I have so many ideas it’s insane! Film-making as well as acting and writing songs/scripts/stories/etc. is my passion. I couldn’t live without films and music. Then again, I couldn’t live without chocolate and pizza, but that’s another topic.

I’ll focus on my work from now on. I want to be productive in a way. I want to change the world. Make it a better place. Make people feel something when they watch my films or listen to my songs. I’m sure one day I’ll find someone who loves my art as much as I do. But what is art? It’s a way of expressing yourself. Your emotions. Your soul. Art = Life. I think I might’ve found that person already… He just sent me a good morning message. How much I missed getting good morning messages from a guy that really cares about me! I’ll keep you updated! No more excuses now that I’m finally re-connected ;D.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Under My Spell

I did it. I messaged him. Him being my new crush number 1.

But here’s the whole story:

I realised I have tons of friends. Luckily, I’ve finally made some nice girl friends. Even though guy friends are better for getting you food, helping you carry your bag/suitcase/coat/etc., and driving you around, girl friends are better for guy talk and gossip (except my best friend who loves both even though he’s a guy). Two days ago, I went to a cafe to meet up with my band for the first time, and all of a sudden, a guy I met last week because of the fire said hi to me. I couldn’t remember his name, but I recognised him and I remembered that he sent me a friend request on Facebook. We only talked for a few seconds until my friend and I left to find the other guy from my band. In the evening, I was extremely bored so I decided to message him and we talked for hours and he ended up giving me his Netflix account details, which I wasn’t expecting.

#1 How to tell if a guy has a crush on you: He gives you his Netflix.

After that, we didn’t talk much, but we’ll meet up after the holidays (if we both don’t forget about it). To be honest, I think he’s already forgotten about me, but I don’t care because at least I have his Netflix :D. Just kidding, he’s a really nice guy and we’ll definitely hang out at some point. Just as friends though, to make that clear. No, I know you thought he’s my new crush number 1, but you were wrong! It’s eyebrow-guy. Another guy I met due to the fire. I love fires now. You meet lots of cute guys! Okay, I still hate fires, but at least I got to meet awesome new people. Basically, the fire helped me become even more popular. I’m on my way to become Queen Bee again. All of my friends are jealous because of all of the guys who want to hang out with me. Strangely enough, I find it easier to talk to guys than girls. I met up with NGND today. He’s nice, but I’m  A) not sure if he’s interested and B) not sure if I’m interested. I’ll have to figure it out. But anyhow, let’s move on to my new crush number 1: Eyebrow-guy (short: EB).

I saw EB yesterday when I was having dinner with my friends. He was watching me even though he was sitting and talking to other people. At first, I didn’t even notice him because I was only paying attention to my food and, of course, my friends (food =BAE). After dinner, I tried to find him on Facebook, but I only knew his first name so I couldn’t find him. A few hours later, he added me on Facebook, which was really strange because I had tried to find him earlier on Facebook. But the strangest thing was that his best friend and he had added me at the same time. Conclusion: He talked to his best mate about me and they tried to find me together and added me. I accepted their friend requests and since that’s a big sign that he’s interested in me, I decided to take the second step and message him first. He hasn’t read my message yet so I have no idea how he’ll react. I really hope he’s not a fuckboy because he looks like a fuckboy… Then again, he seemed nice when I met him the first time. Thus, I should start planning our wedding immediately (just kidding). I’ll keep you updated, but since it’s the end of term, I won’t be able to see any of my friends and crushes till January. At least there’s Facebook! I’ll survive. Hopefully. And I really hope EB doesn’t remember me as the annoying girl who kept complaining about her phone battery #1stWorldProblems.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

So baby pull me closer…

 

…in the backseat of your Rover.

Recognise the lyrics?

We had a Christmas party last night which ended up being more of a karaoke night. Me and NGND were on a team and my other two friends were battling us. It was so much fun! Apart from the fact that the two people who were supposed to be the jury didn’t really pay attention, but they were totally missing out.

I’m going to meet up with my band for the first time on Wednesday. I might ask NGND to come along, but then again, I’d rather be with him alone. Good news: I wrote a new song. I can’t stop listening to the recording and singing it. I think it’s my favourite song of all the songs I’ve ever written. I can’t wait for NGND to hear it… Maybe I’ll invite him over for a private piano concert sometime. That’s usually how I make guys fall for me. Play them a song, be nice and look pretty and BOOM! They fall for you. It’s really easy.

But first you have to trick them into listening to one of your songs or into coming to the music room with you. If you’re not musical, then you’ve already lost (just kidding). I have developed a new make-him-fall-for-you-technique for NGND:

Step 1: Wear less make-up and enhance your natural beauty.

Step 2: Be friendly and interested in what he has to say.

Step 3: Take him to the music room.

Step 4: Play a song you’re working on for him to make him feel special.

Step 5: Wait and drink tea 😉

I’m still working on step 1.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Drama, baby, drama!!!

My life is always full of drama so why shouldn’t I write about it in a blog? Drama basically is the essence of my existence if I like it or not and, trust me, I don’t like it. On most days. Remember when my house caught fire and my cat died in the flames last week? This week, my castle was on fire because a guy set 12 fires to kill us all. Really nice of him. Some people just want to see the world burn – or castles in this case. Luckily, the police caught him and no one got hurt so everything is fine. For now…

Life-update:

Thanks to the fire(s), I made tons of new friends! I met some pretty nice girls and some extremely cute guys. I saw film-guy, but, to be honest, I don’t like him anymore and I’m currently doubting that I’ve ever even liked him. He’s not my type. But then again, who is my type? I have high standards. Yesterday, a guy asked me out and it was really awkward. Because of the fire, I was living in a 5-star De Vere Hotel. At least I had a double bed for myself, a bathroom with a bathtub, and a plasma TV. I could get used to living in hotel suites. But anyways, me and that guy were playing chess on a giant chess board and then he was like “I was wondering if you’d like to go for a drink some time? Not as a thing, no really not as a thing. Just to get to know you better”. And in my head I was like “Okayyyy this is awkward. Why is he acting so awkward? What’s his name? I’ve known him for months and I don’t even know his name…” and in reality I was like “Sure, but I’m busy next week”, which technically wasn’t even a lie because I still have to finish writing an essay and pack for my trip to Europe so this “let’s go for a drink”-thing will never happen. Not if I can help it at least. But I met two other cute guys who I’d like to get to know better. Actually, there are three guys, but one of them is a friend of mine. I should really make a list of all of my guy-crushes because not even my bestie knows which guy is my current number one. I don’t even know who’s my number one because it changes every other week.

Here’s an updated guy-list:

  1. Eyebrow-guy: The first thing I noticed about him were his perfectly shaped eyebrows. Sounds weird, but it’s the truth. He’s nice, funny, BUT he could be a fuckboy and I don’t think I’ll ever talk to him again anyways.
  2. Military-guy: We have some lectures together, but we’d never talked before. The first thing I noticed about him was his military jacket, but he’s not wearing it every day. He’s intelligent and a bit of an introvert. Maybe I only like him because he complimented me (he said that I have a lovely accent). I’ll try to talk to him again next week.
  3. Nice-guy-next-door (NGND): he is really, really, really nice. He’s always offering his help and he’s making an effort to see me. He doesn’t live next door though, but he’s the typical nice guy. I can forgive him that he forgot my name ONCE. We hadn’t even talked back then. He might not be the one, but he’s definitely a keeper.

So that’s my current guy-list. I have no idea if any of them will come to the second stage (proper dating stage), but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Guy language for dummies #1

I just realised it’s almost DECEMBER. Where the f**k did the last three months go??? Seriously, what happened to September, October and November? Time flies. But anyways, I broke up with suitor number 1 yesterday. He turned out to be neither a suitor nor my number 1 so why should I waste my precious time on him??? Dumping him made me feel free for the first time in a while. I mean technically we weren’t even in a proper relationship, but who cares? It’s over now. The past is the past.

This is the present:

I ran into film guy today – not literally! But it was a real coincidence because normally I never walk this way and normally I’m still in bed at this time of the day (note: it was 1pm so please don’t judge). I think he saw me before I saw him. To be honest, I didn’t recognise him at first, but when he came closer I waved at him and we talked for a bit. I asked him if he wanted to hangout, but he said he was meeting friends and that he’d message me later so we can meet up another time.

Guy dictionary:

  1. “I’ll message you later” meaning “I’ll message you a week later if I don’t forget about it”
  2. “I’ll see you around” meaning “May we meet again. But it doesn’t really matter if we don’t”
  3. “See you later” meaning “There will be no later unless we have a date”
  4. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow” meaning “I’ll see you sometime next week if I don’t forget about you”

But there is one thing you need to remember: guys tend to forget about little things simply because they aren’t as important to them as they are to girls. If film guy doesn’t message me all week, then I know for sure that he’s not the one. Messaging someone only takes 30 seconds. Then again, my bestie always forgets to message me back and he’s my bestie. Guys are guys. If they forget to message you back it can either mean that they are busy or don’t care about you.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Jingle Bell Rocking London

A bad day in London is still better than a good day anywhere else.

I can confirm that this inspirational quote is true. I had the worst and the best day ever in London. Incidentally, both in the same week. Let’s start with the worst day ever: my home caught fire and one of my cats died in the flames. I was too shocked to cry. I questioned everything that had ever happened in my life. How did I deserve this? Then I went to my besties’ place and he managed to cheer me up (with cuddles, hugs and kisses – just as friends of course!). He told me that this horrible thing gave me a lot of good karma and that something great will happen to me to make up for the bad thing. He was right. Something truly magical happened: I went to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. This was by far the best day I’ve ever had. I spent hundreds of pounds on food, mulled wine, and rides! The roller coasters were the best (especially the scary looking Munich looping!). Believe it or not, but I had never ridden a roller coaster in my whole life before I went to the Winter Wonderland. My friends call me the roller coaster queen now because I even went on roller coasters they were afraid of and it was my first time ever riding roller coasters! The adrenalin kick and the memories are priceless. I felt like a little girl again. Winter Wonderland really makes all of your dreams come true. It’s the perfect proof that you CAN buy happiness. And I needed a LOT of happiness after the horrible thing that happened to me. I wish there was a Winter Wonderland all year round because then I could always go there when I’m sad and the delicious food and the rides would immediately cheer me up! The Christmas music, the snow (don’t tell me it was fake!!!) and the whole atmosphere where simply amazing. Everything in London looks absolutely stunning in the Christmas time. Oxford street at night with all the Christmas decoration and fairy lights in the trees is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen (apart from the WW). I simply had so much fun! I’d highly recommend going there if you’re ever in London around Christmas. Here’s a quick love update: I can confirm that I don’t have any feelings for SN1 (he’s basically dead to me now) and my bestie (we’re still best friends, don’t worry). I might have feelings for film guy though… I would love to go to WW with him, but 1. I have no idea if he’s even interested in me 2. He might be gay. I’ll have to find out more about him, but I’m not the kind of person who stalks their crush on social media so I’ll have to wait until we meet again to talk to him. I hope that we’ll meet soon so I’ll try my best to get a real date with him. Wish me luck!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

A motivational note

I can’t describe how I feel so I’m desperately trying to find a song that can…

I just want to find a person who sees all of the positive things in me that I see in myself.

Does it really matter what other people think of you as long as you think you’re awesome?

I’m proud to say that I think I’m awesome.

People who tell you otherwise are jealous of you for you have something they don’t: confidence.

Don’t let anyone ever destroy your confidence.

Confidence is the key to happiness.

How can you be happy if you’re not confident about your mind and body?

When you’ve finally discovered how beautiful you are, how smart you are, how brave you can be, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you.

You KNOW you’re the best person you can be.

People will love you if you just be yourself.

Don’t be fake.

Be who you really are.

Don’t hide your talents.

Life is too short so do not waste it worrying about what other people think of you.

No one can ever be like you.

You are unique.

You are special.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo