Does fate exist?

If someone were to ask me: “What are you up to?” The first thing coming to my mind would be this: “I’m up to no good.” And the second – yet similarly honest – reply would be: “Breaking a guys heart, gossiping with my bestie, trying to get VIP tickets to the BAFTA’s, and wondering which London Fashion Show ticket to buy. The usual, you know?

The thing is, most people have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m living the dream. But is it my dream? Most of my friends think my life sounds like a movie and, to be honest, my life sounds like a movie I’d definitely want to watch. It would be very entertaining. Seeing me running around London, meeting celebrities, chilling in my castle, going to concerts, writing songs, celebrating the Chinese New Year in London with a guy who’s in love with me, breaking the heart of the guy who’s in love with me, ordering Chinese food with my bestie and talking about me breaking the heart of the guy who’s in love with me. Sounds like a good story, don’t you think? I feel like thousands of teen girls would want to watch the story of my current life if it was a TV series. Netflix, if you’re reading this please get in touch because I don’t think you’d want to miss out on this amazing story – no kidding. I’ve been thinking a lot about two things lately: my future and fate. I came to realise that most of my friends or even most people in the world will never have what I have now. They will have their own adventures, their own stories, their own experiences, but they’ll never experience the things that are happening to me right now. Some Chinese guy gave me a 10 pence coin for good luck yesterday. Frankly, I could need a lot of good luck right now. I wish all of my dreams came true. But if my life right now is the dream of most people, then what is MY dream? I know exactly what my dream is, but I’m simply too scared to say it out loud. No one knows what my dream is apart from me and I’m trying to ignore it, but deep down I know that I cannot ignore my destiny. My fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that lots of good things have happened to me, but, likewise, a few really bad things have happened to me. For instance, a terrible thing happened to me two months ago and I still remember my bestie telling me that I’ve earned a lot of good karma and that good things will happen to me in the future. He was right – partly. Some good things happened to me this month, but also some minor bad things. I just wish I could use my good karma to get everything I want. But that’s not how the world works. The world can be a cruel place sometimes. And then I walk through the streets of London and feel like everything’s great again because even a bad day in London is a thousand times better than a good day anywhere else. I know I can’t ignore my big dream any longer. But what if fulfilling my dream isn’t my fate? What if I end up being one of those grandmothers who tell their grandchildren about all the opportunities they’ve missed and everything they wanted to do when they were young, but now are too old for? Then again, who am I kidding? I won’t have any grandchildren. I’ll just have a bunch of cats and I’ll be the crazy cat lady who’s forever alone and couldn’t fulfill her dream. Sad story. Will I ever find the courage to openly tell people what my real dream is? Most people think the life I’m living now is my big dream, but it isn’t. To be fair, it is part of my big dream, but it’ll still take me many years to actually fulfill my dream – that is if it happens at all. I’m too scared to tell people about my dream or even to admit to myself that this is my dream because I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out – and it most certainly won’t work out. I’m trying to save myself from getting disappointed, from being completely crushed, from rethinking my whole life. Then there’s this little voice in my head shouting “Oscars!” on repeat. An actress once said in her speech at the Oscars that she’s been practicing this speech with a hairbrush in her bathroom since she was a little girl and she’d never thought this moment would actually come. Do you think the little girl actually knew what her future was going to be like? Do you think she knew her fate? Or was it just a coincidence? Just because I didn’t practice my speech for the Oscars with a hairbrush in my bathroom when I was a little girl doesn’t mean that I’ll never win an Oscar. It is highly unlikely, but who knows, maybe with a little help from the universe it will actually happen. According to Aristotle, in order to reach eudaimonia (Greek for happiness) every men (or woman) has to make their biggest talent their occupation. Although, sometimes it’s hard to find out what your biggest talent is. Especially when you’re multi-talented like me. But maybe I should just give it a try and accept the risk of it turning out to be a complete failure. At least I won’t have to wonder what could’ve been if I had done the “scary” thing. There’s only one way to find out what’s going to happen if I actually try to fulfill my dream: I’ll just have to do it. I WILL DO IT. I will do the scary thing first, and get scared afterwards.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

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Merry Christmas, bitches!

It’s this time of the year again: everyone spams Instagram with pictures of their dogs/cats/children/washing machines in Santa costumes.

I looked up the hashtag #savethewhales yesterday and came across a guy who posted a picture of whale steaks using this hashtag. This world is a cruel place full of stupid people. Or genius people depending on how you look at it. I love and hate Christmas at the same time. I love the food, music, atmosphere etc., but I hate the fact that it doesn’t even snow here any longer. Fuck the global warming! It once again screwed us over. Thanks for ruining my Christmas, bitch! But seriously if I were the good fairy from Cinderella, then I’d use my wand and sing “Bibbedy Babbedy Back off” and then it would finally snow and my Christmas would be saved. I don’t need snow to be in a Christmas mood, but it certainly helps. Even though the snow in Winter Wonderland in London was fake, I could still pretend that it’s real. That’s the spirit! But I might be able to see real snow today. Hopefully…

I watched Naomi’s and Ely’s no kiss list today and I realised that my best friend is like Ely to me. Apart from the fact that he’d never make out with my boyfriend. Even I didn’t wanna make out with him hence why I dumped him. But I’m the cool, pretty chic that gets all the attention from guys and yet, I prefer spending time with my bestie. Do crazy things and have fun together. I really miss him… That’s one thing I hate about Christmas: Christmas holidays. I mean I love holidays, but I don’t love the fact that I’m not able to see my friends as much as I want to. But everything has an end and there are only 2 weeks of the holidays left so I’ll survive. I hope. There’s this guy I kind of like though… I miss him and he misses me as far as I can tell. We didn’t really spend much time together, but he’s trying to change that. I just don’t know if I want it to change. I mean he’s nice and cool and cute and everything, but he’s a friend and I don’t wanna lose him and my other friends because I don’t like him. But I DO like him. It’s complicated. I’m like Naomi. But anyways, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and keep posting pictures of your pets and your grandma in a Santa costume to keep me entertained 😉

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Chocolate, films and stolen kisses

Last night was magical.

I was really happy because I made plans with film-guy and my bestie came over at around 11pm so I told him about film-guy. But instead of being happy for me, he got jealous and said that film-guy sounds like he’s gay (now I’m worried that he really is gay because he’s too nice to be straight). Then again, my bestie is straight and he’s really nice and funny as well. I get along with the best friend kind of guy. Suitor number 1 isn’t like that. He doesn’t even wanna see me any longer so why shouldn’t I start looking for a new person to fall in love with? I wasn’t even in love with SN1. I have to admit that I had a crush on my bestie at some point. I’m just not sure if he’s the right guy for me. He seems to be the only person who can read me like a book. He always knows what I’m thinking and when I’m lying. No one else knows that. Maybe I should’ve let him kiss me last night… He was trying very hard. But I told him it wasn’t the right moment so he just gave me a kiss on the cheek, forehead and hand. He told me that he wanted to date me from the first moment he saw me, which made me feel happy, but now I’m worried that he’s expecting us to date. I haven’t talked to him since last night and tonight I’m having a film-date with film-guy. I don’t even know if it’s a real date. It’s definitely not a date if he turns out to be gay… It seems like my gay-radar is broken. But why else would he want to see me every day for the next week to watch all of the Harry Potter films with me???

This morning was one of the best mornings in ages.

I had a nice relaxing bath in my castle and ate freshly made mousse au chocolate in bed whilst watching a TV-series. Now I’m cuddled up in bed, enjoying the rain outside, and listening to Cage The Elephant. By the way, remember that I wanted to form a band? I found a guitarist, a bassist and a vocalist and I’m a singer and pianist so I basically have my band. We haven’t met up yet, but we will soon. Then we can jam together, write songs and cool music stuff like that. I’ve always wanted to be part of a rock-band and now I have my own. This only proves that you shouldn’t let your dreams be dreams. MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. That’s what I’m trying to do. Embrace every single opportunity! If I hadn’t agreed to take part in the quiz show, I never would’ve met film-guy. If I hadn’t tried to find band-members, I never would’ve formed a real band. If you really want something in life then try your very best to achieve it! I’m sure you will succeed if you try. And even if you fail, you can still say that you’ve tried and that’s the best you can do.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

The great return of the slut-gang

I’m running out of time AND battery. I don’t know what’s worse. Battery probably because it’s impossible for me to charge my laptop right now. It’s a looong story and by that I mean for god’s sake PLEASE DO NOT ASK. I won’t tell you. But there’s something else I’m gonna tell you instead: Remember SN1’s slut gang? If not, you should probably read my “Bonfire sluts..” blog-post before you read this one because that’ll explain everything. Anyways, the leader of the slut gang broke up with her boyfriend so that she can be with my boyfriend which resulted in me wanting to kill her and my boyfriend getting drunk and feeling bad because he was the reason they broke up. To be honest, that is a reason why I should break up with SN1. All of my friends ship me and my bestie anyways, but the problem is that my bestie doesn’t even know what happened because he’s too busy spending time with one of his best mates. It’s complicated. As usual. And I’m sorry but it’s getting even more complicated in a minute, but I’ll try to keep it short:

Basically, SN1 and I have been dating for a while so he is assuming that I am his girlfriend, BUT he technically doesn’t have the right to call me his girlfriend because A) He’s never asked me to be his girlfriend and B) He’s a horrible boyfriend even though he’s not even my boyfriend, but he thinks he’s my boyfriend and I’m completely lost and I don’t know what to think anymore. At some point, I thought I had feelings for my bestie, but he’s not boyfriend material because A) He’s not willing to commit and B) He always does his own thing. That’s probably the only good thing about SN1: He’s willing to commit and easy to manipulate. I told him to stop hanging out with the sluts, ignore them completely, stop drinking, get his f*cking life together and make new friends. I don’t think he will follow my advice though. If he doesn’t, it only proves that he’s no boyfriend-material anyways. I don’t want a guy who hangs out with a bunch of sluts. I value myself too much to do something like that. I even offered to help him make friends since I’m the popular one who gets on with pretty much everyone. I meet up to 15 new people a day and they naturally love me. Yet, I don’t have many real friends because making sure that you can trust someone and count on them is a lot of effort and I don’t trust many people. No one of my friends knows about this blog for instance. If they did, I’d probably be dead so let’s hope that they’ll never find out. Especially not SN1. Or my bestie. Or the fuckboy who’s stalking me but maybe he already knows about this blog since he’s stalking me. If you’re reading this: STOP ASKING ME OUT. The answer is no. ALWAYS.

I hope tomorrow will be better (and that I can finally charge my laptop and phone). Karma is a bitch sometimes. But no one is messing with me for I am the one and only princess bitch.  And no one is allowed to mess with my readers either! NO ONE.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Bitches, books & broken hearts

Today was a good day. Until suitor number 1 messaged me. How can one single message completely change your mood?

That’s what happened before the mood-changing message:

My new clothes for my brand new start arrived and I looked absolutely stunning in them. New clothes motivated me to stop procrastinating and get some work done so I was really productive today. Go me! I knew I could do it. I was happy.

After my very productive phase, I allowed myself to day-dream about my upcoming date with suitor number 1. I just wanted it to be perfect. It seemed like he was finally making an effort to see me and that he really wanted to go on romantic dates with me. But who wouldn’t? Any guy would be lucky to go on a date with a girl like me. The only problem is that I keep turning guys down because I’m too fixated on SN1. But SN1 was still hanging out with the slut-gang and their slut-leader is now one of his very good friends. I wanted to kill her. In my imagination I went up to her, slapped her and told her what a filthy bitch she was. But since I’m a lady AND a princess bitch, I would never hurt anyone – no matter how much I wanted to. Slapping people is just not lady-like. Even though they sometimes deserve it. And that bitch definitely deserved it. I was about to make him choose between her and me but then I realised that that’s stupid. No one can trust a bitch like her but he still kept defending her even after he told me what horrible things she’s done. I told him he can’t trust her and then he asked me why he can’t trust her because she’s a good friend and I was like “That’s because you’re stupid”. He really is. And the worst part is that he doesn’t even realise how stupid he is. Well, at least I tried to warn him. I would’ve been deeply hurt if I had a heart. Once again, I’m glad I don’t. I just told him that I don’t wanna talk about this any longer because I’m not feeling well and he was like”You feeling sick?” and I said “You made me feel sick” but what I actually thought was that I’m sick of his shit. I kinda feel like cancelling our date now. I mean what’s the point? The worst thing is that he’s jealous of my best friend even though I told him that we’re nothing more than best friends. But if he wanted me to choose between him or my bestie, I’d definitely choose my bestie. I couldn’t live without him. However, I can live without a guy who’s hanging out with a bunch of sluts.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Confessions of a procrastinator

As mentioned in my last blog-post: I am the Queen of procrastination.

That’s nothing I should be proud of. But then again, I shouldn’t be ashamed of it either because I’m certainly not the only procrastinator in my kingdom of procrastination. I promised you guys that I’d study at least four hours today… It was only two. This means that you’ll get half of a self-roast-post (nice rhyme, huh?) and it also means that I’ll probably – please God if you exist prevent this from coming true – fail my exam tomorrow. But first things first: Here’s the drama you’ve been waiting for all day: suitor number 1 turned out to be Prince not-so-charming. I’ll give you a short summary of what happened: SN1 had two of his slut-friends over for a movie night last night and at the very moment I am writing this blog-post he is in a “fancy cocktail bar” with one of those sluts. No, I’m not a jealous, paranoid, crazy girlfriend from all those soppy movies and cringy teen TV-shows. I am a princess bitch and it’s common knowledge that NO ONE should ever dare to mess with a princess bitch like me. Honestly, if this guy ever cheats on me, I will cat-nap his cat, burn it alive and send him a video of his burning cat. Or maybe his video games. Or both! Don’t worry, I’m just kidding, I would NEVER hurt innocent video games. They didn’t tell him to invite sluts over to his place and therefore they aren’t the ones that should be punished. Now that you’ve heard my tragic story, you will hopefully understand why I didn’t feel like studying today. Noooo, I’m definitely not using that as an excuse. How would you know that I actually don’t have a heart and things like that don’t affect me at all? Okay, maybe I’m lying – why am I such a good actress? Anyways, this is why I was practically forced to spend my day binge-watching those cringy teen TV-shows I was mentioning before, eating chocolate (way too much!) and buying clothes online, which I actually don’t need. Okay, I DO need them. I’m obsessed with fashion so shopping shouldn’t be used as an excuse for procrastination because shopping is productive! Yay! Did you hear that? I was productive today. Kind of. Little update: he’s at the bar with one of his guy friends, which is hard to believe since he doesn’t really have any. But who cares? I bought the hottest clothes ever today and I can’t wait for them to arrive. Especially the black lace crop-top! And no, I’m not one of those girls who wears crop-tops even though she’s fat af – at least I hope I’m not. What if my friends have been lying to me? Then again, guys don’t lie when they tell you you’re skinny. Unless it’s sarcasm. But that’s another story. See? I get way too easily distracted and that’s exactly why I can’t focus on my work. I have to figure something out if I don’t wanna fail this term. And honestly, I should start to be less of a bitch and actually become the-nice-girl-next-door everyone thinks I already am. Looking cute can be a burden sometimes. But I’m sure you guys look super cute and you can definitely relate – and if not, then lucky you! Being ugly lowers your chances of getting laid and/or kidnapped. So congrats!

Hope you liked today’s pathetic roast-blog-post and stay tuned because if my prayers won’t be heard, I will be dying in my exam tomorrow. R.I.P. ME!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Back to reality…

I was trapped. Trapped in a dream I didn’t want to end. Suitor number 1 really was boyfriend material. I showed him around the castle grounds and we went to my favourite spots including the little pond in the park and the field next to the tennis courts. Since it was extremely cold outside, we decided to go back to the castle and he warmed me up with cuddles. He didn’t talk much, which honestly annoyed me at first, but hey, he’s a great listener and I talk way too much anyways (preferably about myself). Everyone says opposites attract and it was true because we are complete opposites: he’s introverted, quiet, friendly, and nerdy. I’m extroverted af, popular, loud, and creative. But maybe he is exactly what I need. I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship with a guy who talks as much as I do and who is as popular and vain as I am. I need a guy who is down to earth, loyal, smart and friendly and all of that applies to suitor number 1. But is he really the one?

A hot make-out-session later, we had to say goodbye. 40% of me wanted him to stay, but 60% of me wanted him to leave. Even though I was extremely tired, I felt wide awake and for the first time in a long time I felt alive.  I thought I was in love and I knew that I definitely wanted to see him again.

But now I’m here. Back in cruel reality. The worst thing is that he’s not with me and I genuinely miss him. The second worst thing is that I haven’t studied for my exam at all. Mid-terms really suck and so does my life if I fail. But it’s not too late because I can still start studying tomorrow… That’s what I keep telling myself every day. Did I mention that apart from being the Queen of selfies I also am the Queen of procrastination? By the way, Siri calls me Queen of the world – does that mean I’m a narcissist? It probably does. But anyways, I should stop procrastinating AND thinking about SN1 and instead get my life together and start revising for that goddamn exam. Two days left. I told my friend he’s allowed to roast me if I fail to meet my study goal and that’s how he replied: “Tick tock says the clock and it will soon be roast o’clock”. I HOPE NOT. I vow that I will spend at least four hours studying tomorrow to make up for all the revision I failed to do. Failure to do so will result in me roasting myself in my next blog-post. Talk to you later, bitches.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo