ATTENTION SEEKER

I wanted attention. However, now that I have it, I don’t want it any longer. But I know if I stopped getting the attention I get now, I’d want to get it again and then I’d be sad and end up questioning my whole existence at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I’m not the typical attention seeker since I’m quite shy around people I don’t know well. But I’m definitely an extrovert. I’m an extrovert who sometimes has a break though. Like when I’m in a group of good friends, it’s hard to make me stop talking since I really love to talk – especially about c’est moi. I’m a singer, pianist and songwriter who’s scared of performing. I can’t even perform in front of my own mother. I completely embarrassed myself today when the guy I like wanted to go to the music room with me and I couldn’t play a single piano piece. The problem is that the minute I know someone’s watching me or listening to my music, I totally freak out and forget everything I know about music, pianos and the world. Especially when I’m with a person I genuinely care about. However, when it’s just me and my piano, everything’s different. My recordings prove that. Even though I’m way better in real life. He was really looking forward to seeing me perform and I was a complete disappointment. I mean, he’s head over heels for me so he kept telling me that I’m a pretty good pianist, singer etc., but I know I could’ve done better. Next time 😛

Why are feelings so complicated? I’ve always wanted to find a guy who genuinely cares about me, gives me little presents, is polite, funny, friendly, a true sweetheart, creative, interesting and smart and now that I’ve found him, I don’t know what to do with him. What would I do with him if we were in a relationship? Place him on my windowsill and water him twice a day? I feel like I’m a relationship-autist. Or maybe I’m a hunter. Now that I’ve hunted him down, I don’t want him any longer. That’s not how it works though. He’s a really good guy. A really really good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Most of my friends would be lucky to have him. Why don’t I want him then? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Maybe I should really give him a chance. He definitely deserves it.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

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Story of my life

I promise this is not going to be a boring story no one wants to read.

Most people do not know that I am a writer. I wrote a book two years ago. Lots of drama. The strange thing is that basically all of it came true and I have absolutely no idea how this is possible. Right now, I’m at the beginning of book two (in real life). I stopped writing book two after five chapters and now everything has come true and I don’t know if I want to continue writing the story. The book is not even about my life. It’s fiction. So why do the things I wrote down actually happen in my life? This is really confusing. But if I really have the ability to make the stories I write come true, then the story of my life would be as follows:

It was cold, but he didn’t care. He was waiting for her outside of the castle as he always did when they met up. She got a message:”I’m outside 🙂“.  With a smile she got up from her bed, put on her coat, and reapplied her favourite perfume. She had been waiting for this moment for so long. A lot of things had changed, but her feelings weren’t one of them. She hadn’t seen him in a week. It was probably one of the worst weeks – if not the worst – of her life. Not just because she couldn’t see him, but also because she made a very important decision.

One night, she was lying in bed overthinking life when she realised something: Her life seemed pretty bad to her, but actually her life was amazing; she lived in a castle, had a closet full of beautiful clothes, more sweets than she could ever eat, a family that loved and supported her, a lot of good friends, tons of admirers, and finally she had the best friend she’s always wanted to have. But what exactly made her think that her life was bad then? The answer: bad people. People who disappointed her, let her down, told her she was only a 6/10 looks-wise when in fact she was an 11/10 because a normal scale couldn’t handle her beauty. But who were those bad people? The first one was her “boyfriend” who thought it was okay to ignore her messages for three days because he didn’t have any proper free time (Seriously, it takes only 10 seconds to write a short text message and why on earth wouldn’t you wanna talk to your girlfriend and leave her worrying about you for three days???). The second one was a fuckboy who kept complimenting AND insulting her in order to get a “date” with her. When she realised who was causing all of the bad things in her life, she started thinking about the people who genuinely made her feel happy: her family, friends and her best friend. This is why she made a decision: she would remove all of the people who made her feel unloved and bad about herself from her life because those kind of people weren’t worthy of being in her amazing life. There simply was no place for mean boys in her story. This would be perfect. A story with a lot of drama, yet with a perfect happy ending.

She ran down the stairs of the castle past the beautiful Corinthian columns because she simply couldn’t wait to see him again. Hug him again. Laugh with him again. Tell him about everything he had missed in the past week. She saw him and he started smiling when he saw her. He gave her a big hug – the best hugs in the world. “I need to tell you something“, she said. “What is it?“, he replied without letting her go. “Not here“, she took his arm and led him to her favourite spot on the castle grounds. But then she changed her mind. She couldn’t do it. Tell him that she liked him. Instead, she decided to ask him three questions:

1. Why don’t you have any romantic feelings for me? (she kind of knew he did, but she needed him to say it out loud to believe it)

Answer: He did have romantic feelings for her.

2. How would you rate my looks on a scale of 1-10?

Answer: 11

3. Would you like to kiss me?

No answer. He simply kissed her and they lived happily ever after.

THE END

If all of this really comes true, then I’m either a fortune-teller or a genius. Maybe a bit of both. I guess we’ll see…

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo