New people every day

Today I learned that you can always meet new people no matter where you go. Even if you think you already know all of the people in your course/job (or at least their faces), you can start a conversation with one of the random people and possibly make a new friend. People seem to love me. This morning I met an interesting guy who was sitting next to me in my seminar. A couple of hours later, I started a conversation with a girl from my other seminar before the seminar started. We nearly missed the beginning of our seminar because we were so distracted by our conversation. When I entered the room and sat down, the guy I usually sit next to (not this time because I didn’t see him) immediately said hi to me and ignored the girl I had talked to earlier. As soon as the seminar ended he started a conversation with me and walked me home which was really sweet of him. Everyone thinks he’s interested in me and I think so too, but I don’t think he’ll ask me out. He seems to be shy and outgoing at the same time. It’s so weird. He’s friends with my friends but I’ve never seen him talk to my friends… I will have to talk to my bestie about this. Anyways, I don’t want a boyfriend right now and we’re all condemned to be alone and that’s what I want to be right now: alone. I don’t want to be in a relationship. The perfect relationship for me is the non-relationship-relationship Netflix-guy and I have. He gives me his Netflix, but I’m not forced to talk to him or go out with him. I make small talk with him once a month and that’s it. Perfection. 100% advantages and 0% obligations. Now I’m going to continue watching Netflix and eating chocolate. Who needs humans anyways?

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

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A New Project

What am I doing on this lovely Tuesday night? I’m lying in bed listening to chill jazz music and writing a blog-post. I have a new project, but actually, I’ve been working on it for over a month now so it’s not particularly new. I love and hate talking about my project at the same time. That’s probably why I haven’t mentioned it before. But here’s my new/old project: I want to make a film. A really really good film. A short-film. It took me one day to find a film crew, but I still need some actors. The only problem is that I have to find them within three days because we’re going to film next week. If I can’t find any actors, there will be no film. That’s why I’m kind of stressed out right now. This project means the world to me. It’s my baby. And I’d be extremely disappointed if it died. Please, baby, don’t die!!! I had an interview with a possible actor for the male part in the film this morning. He didn’t even have a showreel. I’m not sure if I’ll hire him, but if I can’t find a good replacement, I will have to choose him. I messaged another of my actor-friends, but he hasn’t replied yet. If he says he can do it, then I will go for him. Why is it so hard to find good actors nowadays? I need to work with professionals. Anyhow, I will keep you updated.

To be honest, there’s not really¬† much I can talk about right now because I’m simply so bored. Maybe I’m missing the drama. I need drama in my life, but too much drama is deadly. I should stay away from any kind of drama, but for some reason I’m drawn to it. I can’t live without any exciting things happening in my life. I feel like this weekend will be the worst and best weekend I ever had. It will definitely be exciting, but also dangerous.

Quick update: I just found an actress for my film! Now I only need one more actor. Woo!

Also, the guy who asked me out asked me why I told him that I don’t want to see him on Valentine’s Day any longer. I have no idea what to say now. Apparently, he thought I changed my mind because I was upset. That wasn’t the case though. I told him I don’t want to date anyone at the moment. I should really stay away from all the drama for a while…

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Punishment of life

I already knew something bad was going to happen, but I never could’ve imagined how bad it would actually be. I lost three of my friends. Then again, it’s no loss when your so-called “friends” turn out to be the worst people you can imagine. But here’s the full story:

Characters:

X: Friend who was in love with me; my stalker; friend/foe/housemate of Y and Z.

Y: Friend who pretended not to be interested in me and then asked me out; friend/foe/housemate of X and Z.

Z: Friend who pretended to be my friend; really bad person; friend/foe/housemate of X and Y.

Now that you’re acquainted with the characters, I’ll try to explain everything. I’m not interested in X, Y and Z. X wanted to hangout with me 24/7. He was really clingy, persistent and annoying. Then again, I knew I could always count on him. I knew he had feelings for me, but he never told me and hence I pretended not to notice his feelings because we were friends – past-tense! X wanted to see me and I told him I needed a break. We weren’t even in a relationship and I already wanted a break. That says a lot about him as a person. Y spontaneously asked me to hangout with him and I said yes because we’re friends. We went for a walk and talked and that’s it. Z and Y are mad at X for a stupid reason and that’s why Z told X that Y and I were seeing each other in secret and X got really mad and paranoid. Z kept spreading lies and Y found it funny that X thought Y and I were in a relationship. X threatened me and Y and he got really upset. I told Y how X stalked me and Y told Z. I thought I could trust Y and Z, but I couldn’t. I got really mad at X because I had no idea that Z was spreading lies about me and Y. After the big argument, Y asked me to go out with him on Valentine’s Day and I said “why not?” because I was tired and wanted to got to sleep, but the next day I told him I don’t want to go out with him or see him again. Then X told me everything Z said and I told Y and X that I need my space and that I don’t want to seem them for at least a week. Now I hate Z and I dislike Y and X. X and I were the real victims though.

I told everything that happened my parents, my best friend and my other good friends. They all supported me. This little episode in my life made me realise once again how important it is to have people in your life you can trust and who support you no matter what. I thought X, Y and Z were these kind of people. I was wrong. In the end, you shouldn’t trust anyone but yourself. I will try to be more reserved and mysterious from now on. I have a new goal in life: be more successful than the people I despise. I want to prove them that I don’t need them in my life. I don’t need people who spread lies about me and involve me in dangerous situations. Those kind of people are the worst and to be honest, they deserve to burn in hell. But I’m sure they will manage to destroy themselves somehow. I want to hurt them. But since I’m a pacifist, I’m not going to hurt them physically. The only other way to hurt them is by being more successful than them. I’m going to prove myself that I’m better than them. And I will start tomorrow.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

How to be a better person

I am a terrible person.¬† I hurt someone’s feelings and in doing so I hurt my own feelings. I’m a manipulative and narcissistic bitch who only cares about herself. I’m worse than Blair Waldorf, Hitler and Trump altogether. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes I’m oblivious to the consequences of my actions. Most of the time, actually. My friends don’t think that I’m a bad person, but it’s enough that I think I’m a bad person. My bestie told me I’m one of the best people he knows and that I’ve helped him so many times. My friends think I’m a good person. But I’m not. Or am I? To answer that question, I’d have to analyse the philosophical concept of a good person. What makes a person a good person? All I know is that a good person would never ever do what I’ve done. I was making fun of the guy who was in love with me. I was making fun of him with his friends. Ex-friends. They don’t talk to him any longer, but that wasn’t my fault. Or at least that’s what they told me. I’m a member of their group and he’s not. No longer. He’s no longer a member of MY group. It’s sad and I wish things would’ve turned out differently, but it is how it is and you can’t erase history. I’m just glad I’m not a politician because I screw up all the time. I wouldn’t be able to lead a country. I need something new to focus on, but I don’t want it to be my work. I’m a massive procrastinator – especially when I’m not feeling well. I just wish I could make things right. I don’t want anyone to be upset because of me. I’m talented, smart and pretty – a poisonous combination. At the same time, I’m extremely insecure. I always need people to tell me how great I am. I need to surround myself with people who admire me and my creative spirit. I do sound like a bad person, don’t I? Life will punish me now. I won’t get VIP tickets to anything anymore, my cats will die, my whole family will die, I will get murdered and all my friends will burn in a fire. That’s my future. What would be worse: dying or everyone hating you? I feel like the latter would kill me inside. I want people to love me. Admire me. Envy me. Value me. But do I actually deserve it? How can someone love me when I’m such a nasty person? I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to be a person who deserves to be admired. I don’t think I currently deserve to be anything good. Then again, life is short so I shouldn’t punish myself. I want to be a good person. I’ll try my best to become the person I want to be from now on. I’ll try my best to fulfill my dreams. When you have a dream you should do anything possible to try and fulfill it. That’s what I’m going to do. I will work hard for the things I want. I have good friends and apparently I’m a good friend. Having friends is so important in life. They’re the people you can rely on no matter what.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Heartbreaker

I’m trying very hard to be optimistic right now. But too much optimism kills people. You should know by now that I’m a princess bitch. I get everything I want. Almost everything. There are some things you cannot buy. Like my love. No one can buy my love. I’ve never been in love. I’m not au fait with this sensation. It’s kinda sad that the only creature I loved in this world was my cat and he died. I’ve always been a narcissist though. I’m extremely obsessed with my looks and I’m currently ugly af and I don’t know how to change that. I’m the insecure kind of narcissist. I sometimes think I look great and the next day I continue saying I’m ugly and no one will ever love me. By “no one will ever love me” I mean that I will never find someone who accepts me the way I am and who genuinely loves me and who I love back. I don’t think I could love someone back. I’ve been in relationships, but I’ve never been in love. It was always just a crush. Sometimes a massive crush. A brief romance. Guys tend to fall for me so easily. I don’t even know why. I mean I know I’m fucking awesome and I look good when I’m wearing nice makeup and fancy clothes, but the insecure part of me thinks I’m fat, ugly, and not very attractive overall. I feel like I look cute and innocent without any makeup on. Then again, I look cute and innocent in general. Guys want to help girls like me. They want to spend time with me. The guy I thought I liked wanted to spend 24/7 with me. He was extremely clingy and now I got rid of him. That sounds very harsh, but it’s the truth. Now we’ve come to the tricky bit: his housemate is one of my friends and he wants to hangout with me in their house so there’s a 99% chance that I’ll see him too. It could be awkward, but it’s only awkward when you make it awkward and I’m not trying to make it awkward. Also, I went to see La la land with my bestie last week and I loved it. All of my film students friends hate it though so I don’t know what to think. The soundtrack is amazing and whenever I listen to it, I feel a thousand times better. It’s really inspiring. Me and my bestie are going to The Great Gatsby Party in London this weekend. I can’t wait! I hope it will be as cool as it sounds. But I guess there will only be lots of old people. Who knows? It definitely sounds amazing. Now I have an excuse to buy new clothes/accessories. I will definitely enjoy my weekend!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Melancholy calls…

I feel strange. I mean technically, I always feel strange, but that’s just me.

He wanted to see me. But I didn’t want to see him.

He wanted to spend time with me. But I didn’t want to spend time with him.

I know that one day I’ll want to see him and he won’t want to see me any longer. I miss him right now…

Maybe that’s just because I’m listening to melancholic piano music. I should stop doing that immediately. I know my blog-posts suck lately, but there’s not much I’d want to write about. Sometimes I want to be with him and sometimes I don’t. Perhaps it’s because he’s too clingy, but being too clingy can be cute. I wish my life was a dream. I could do whatever I want. Be happy 24/7. Sometimes I wish I could do something with him just the two of us, but then I get scared and cancel all of our plans. Why do I keep doing this? I like him and he likes me. Why am I making things more complicated than they really are??? To be honest, I’m mean, self-absorbed, narcissistic and cunning. He’s the sweetest guy ever and I can’t deal with sweetness. Too much sweetness can suffocate me.

I SHOULD FOCUS ON MY WORK.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to STOP PROCRASTINATING. Didn’t quite work out yet… I swear I’ll be productive this week! I’ll work out at least 15 minutes a day and I’ll study at least 45 minutes a day from now on. And I’ll try to be a nicer person. I should stop being an evil bitch sometimes. I don’t wanna be the villain in my story. Or in his story. I wanna be the princess. Not the princess bitch.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo