ATTENTION SEEKER

I wanted attention. However, now that I have it, I don’t want it any longer. But I know if I stopped getting the attention I get now, I’d want to get it again and then I’d be sad and end up questioning my whole existence at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I’m not the typical attention seeker since I’m quite shy around people I don’t know well. But I’m definitely an extrovert. I’m an extrovert who sometimes has a break though. Like when I’m in a group of good friends, it’s hard to make me stop talking since I really love to talk – especially about c’est moi. I’m a singer, pianist and songwriter who’s scared of performing. I can’t even perform in front of my own mother. I completely embarrassed myself today when the guy I like wanted to go to the music room with me and I couldn’t play a single piano piece. The problem is that the minute I know someone’s watching me or listening to my music, I totally freak out and forget everything I know about music, pianos and the world. Especially when I’m with a person I genuinely care about. However, when it’s just me and my piano, everything’s different. My recordings prove that. Even though I’m way better in real life. He was really looking forward to seeing me perform and I was a complete disappointment. I mean, he’s head over heels for me so he kept telling me that I’m a pretty good pianist, singer etc., but I know I could’ve done better. Next time 😛

Why are feelings so complicated? I’ve always wanted to find a guy who genuinely cares about me, gives me little presents, is polite, funny, friendly, a true sweetheart, creative, interesting and smart and now that I’ve found him, I don’t know what to do with him. What would I do with him if we were in a relationship? Place him on my windowsill and water him twice a day? I feel like I’m a relationship-autist. Or maybe I’m a hunter. Now that I’ve hunted him down, I don’t want him any longer. That’s not how it works though. He’s a really good guy. A really really good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Most of my friends would be lucky to have him. Why don’t I want him then? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Maybe I should really give him a chance. He definitely deserves it.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Disconnected.

I don’t have wifi so I have no idea when you’ll be able to read this blog-post. If you’re reading this, it means that my wifi is back or that I’ve found another way to upload this. To be honest, I don’t know what to say. I might have a crush on my Italian friend now… But maybe I’m imagining things. I get at least two new crushes per week. My last three crushes aren’t even crushes any longer. Forget about eyebrow-guy (who hasn’t even replied to my message yet), NGND and all of the others. I should just stay friends with them and not take it any further. If there’s a guy I really like and who likes me back, then I might consider being in a relationship with him. It seems like I’m obsessed with this topic lately. But now I’ve found something productive to do (which doesn’t involve doing course work or studying for my exams): writing.

Not only writing blog-posts, but short-stories and transforming these short-stories into scripts and making films out of the scripts. That’s what film-making is all about: passion for the subject and original ideas. You need both to be successful, but you also need talented actors, a good camera-man, editors, and a marvelous director. Who knows? Maybe you’ll see one of my films on screen one day. Never say never. I have so many ideas it’s insane! Film-making as well as acting and writing songs/scripts/stories/etc. is my passion. I couldn’t live without films and music. Then again, I couldn’t live without chocolate and pizza, but that’s another topic.

I’ll focus on my work from now on. I want to be productive in a way. I want to change the world. Make it a better place. Make people feel something when they watch my films or listen to my songs. I’m sure one day I’ll find someone who loves my art as much as I do. But what is art? It’s a way of expressing yourself. Your emotions. Your soul. Art = Life. I think I might’ve found that person already… He just sent me a good morning message. How much I missed getting good morning messages from a guy that really cares about me! I’ll keep you updated! No more excuses now that I’m finally re-connected ;D.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Under My Spell

I did it. I messaged him. Him being my new crush number 1.

But here’s the whole story:

I realised I have tons of friends. Luckily, I’ve finally made some nice girl friends. Even though guy friends are better for getting you food, helping you carry your bag/suitcase/coat/etc., and driving you around, girl friends are better for guy talk and gossip (except my best friend who loves both even though he’s a guy). Two days ago, I went to a cafe to meet up with my band for the first time, and all of a sudden, a guy I met last week because of the fire said hi to me. I couldn’t remember his name, but I recognised him and I remembered that he sent me a friend request on Facebook. We only talked for a few seconds until my friend and I left to find the other guy from my band. In the evening, I was extremely bored so I decided to message him and we talked for hours and he ended up giving me his Netflix account details, which I wasn’t expecting.

#1 How to tell if a guy has a crush on you: He gives you his Netflix.

After that, we didn’t talk much, but we’ll meet up after the holidays (if we both don’t forget about it). To be honest, I think he’s already forgotten about me, but I don’t care because at least I have his Netflix :D. Just kidding, he’s a really nice guy and we’ll definitely hang out at some point. Just as friends though, to make that clear. No, I know you thought he’s my new crush number 1, but you were wrong! It’s eyebrow-guy. Another guy I met due to the fire. I love fires now. You meet lots of cute guys! Okay, I still hate fires, but at least I got to meet awesome new people. Basically, the fire helped me become even more popular. I’m on my way to become Queen Bee again. All of my friends are jealous because of all of the guys who want to hang out with me. Strangely enough, I find it easier to talk to guys than girls. I met up with NGND today. He’s nice, but I’m  A) not sure if he’s interested and B) not sure if I’m interested. I’ll have to figure it out. But anyhow, let’s move on to my new crush number 1: Eyebrow-guy (short: EB).

I saw EB yesterday when I was having dinner with my friends. He was watching me even though he was sitting and talking to other people. At first, I didn’t even notice him because I was only paying attention to my food and, of course, my friends (food =BAE). After dinner, I tried to find him on Facebook, but I only knew his first name so I couldn’t find him. A few hours later, he added me on Facebook, which was really strange because I had tried to find him earlier on Facebook. But the strangest thing was that his best friend and he had added me at the same time. Conclusion: He talked to his best mate about me and they tried to find me together and added me. I accepted their friend requests and since that’s a big sign that he’s interested in me, I decided to take the second step and message him first. He hasn’t read my message yet so I have no idea how he’ll react. I really hope he’s not a fuckboy because he looks like a fuckboy… Then again, he seemed nice when I met him the first time. Thus, I should start planning our wedding immediately (just kidding). I’ll keep you updated, but since it’s the end of term, I won’t be able to see any of my friends and crushes till January. At least there’s Facebook! I’ll survive. Hopefully. And I really hope EB doesn’t remember me as the annoying girl who kept complaining about her phone battery #1stWorldProblems.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

So baby pull me closer…

 

…in the backseat of your Rover.

Recognise the lyrics?

We had a Christmas party last night which ended up being more of a karaoke night. Me and NGND were on a team and my other two friends were battling us. It was so much fun! Apart from the fact that the two people who were supposed to be the jury didn’t really pay attention, but they were totally missing out.

I’m going to meet up with my band for the first time on Wednesday. I might ask NGND to come along, but then again, I’d rather be with him alone. Good news: I wrote a new song. I can’t stop listening to the recording and singing it. I think it’s my favourite song of all the songs I’ve ever written. I can’t wait for NGND to hear it… Maybe I’ll invite him over for a private piano concert sometime. That’s usually how I make guys fall for me. Play them a song, be nice and look pretty and BOOM! They fall for you. It’s really easy.

But first you have to trick them into listening to one of your songs or into coming to the music room with you. If you’re not musical, then you’ve already lost (just kidding). I have developed a new make-him-fall-for-you-technique for NGND:

Step 1: Wear less make-up and enhance your natural beauty.

Step 2: Be friendly and interested in what he has to say.

Step 3: Take him to the music room.

Step 4: Play a song you’re working on for him to make him feel special.

Step 5: Wait and drink tea 😉

I’m still working on step 1.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Drama, baby, drama!!!

My life is always full of drama so why shouldn’t I write about it in a blog? Drama basically is the essence of my existence if I like it or not and, trust me, I don’t like it. On most days. Remember when my house caught fire and my cat died in the flames last week? This week, my castle was on fire because a guy set 12 fires to kill us all. Really nice of him. Some people just want to see the world burn – or castles in this case. Luckily, the police caught him and no one got hurt so everything is fine. For now…

Life-update:

Thanks to the fire(s), I made tons of new friends! I met some pretty nice girls and some extremely cute guys. I saw film-guy, but, to be honest, I don’t like him anymore and I’m currently doubting that I’ve ever even liked him. He’s not my type. But then again, who is my type? I have high standards. Yesterday, a guy asked me out and it was really awkward. Because of the fire, I was living in a 5-star De Vere Hotel. At least I had a double bed for myself, a bathroom with a bathtub, and a plasma TV. I could get used to living in hotel suites. But anyways, me and that guy were playing chess on a giant chess board and then he was like “I was wondering if you’d like to go for a drink some time? Not as a thing, no really not as a thing. Just to get to know you better”. And in my head I was like “Okayyyy this is awkward. Why is he acting so awkward? What’s his name? I’ve known him for months and I don’t even know his name…” and in reality I was like “Sure, but I’m busy next week”, which technically wasn’t even a lie because I still have to finish writing an essay and pack for my trip to Europe so this “let’s go for a drink”-thing will never happen. Not if I can help it at least. But I met two other cute guys who I’d like to get to know better. Actually, there are three guys, but one of them is a friend of mine. I should really make a list of all of my guy-crushes because not even my bestie knows which guy is my current number one. I don’t even know who’s my number one because it changes every other week.

Here’s an updated guy-list:

  1. Eyebrow-guy: The first thing I noticed about him were his perfectly shaped eyebrows. Sounds weird, but it’s the truth. He’s nice, funny, BUT he could be a fuckboy and I don’t think I’ll ever talk to him again anyways.
  2. Military-guy: We have some lectures together, but we’d never talked before. The first thing I noticed about him was his military jacket, but he’s not wearing it every day. He’s intelligent and a bit of an introvert. Maybe I only like him because he complimented me (he said that I have a lovely accent). I’ll try to talk to him again next week.
  3. Nice-guy-next-door (NGND): he is really, really, really nice. He’s always offering his help and he’s making an effort to see me. He doesn’t live next door though, but he’s the typical nice guy. I can forgive him that he forgot my name ONCE. We hadn’t even talked back then. He might not be the one, but he’s definitely a keeper.

So that’s my current guy-list. I have no idea if any of them will come to the second stage (proper dating stage), but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Guy language for dummies #1

I just realised it’s almost DECEMBER. Where the f**k did the last three months go??? Seriously, what happened to September, October and November? Time flies. But anyways, I broke up with suitor number 1 yesterday. He turned out to be neither a suitor nor my number 1 so why should I waste my precious time on him??? Dumping him made me feel free for the first time in a while. I mean technically we weren’t even in a proper relationship, but who cares? It’s over now. The past is the past.

This is the present:

I ran into film guy today – not literally! But it was a real coincidence because normally I never walk this way and normally I’m still in bed at this time of the day (note: it was 1pm so please don’t judge). I think he saw me before I saw him. To be honest, I didn’t recognise him at first, but when he came closer I waved at him and we talked for a bit. I asked him if he wanted to hangout, but he said he was meeting friends and that he’d message me later so we can meet up another time.

Guy dictionary:

  1. “I’ll message you later” meaning “I’ll message you a week later if I don’t forget about it”
  2. “I’ll see you around” meaning “May we meet again. But it doesn’t really matter if we don’t”
  3. “See you later” meaning “There will be no later unless we have a date”
  4. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow” meaning “I’ll see you sometime next week if I don’t forget about you”

But there is one thing you need to remember: guys tend to forget about little things simply because they aren’t as important to them as they are to girls. If film guy doesn’t message me all week, then I know for sure that he’s not the one. Messaging someone only takes 30 seconds. Then again, my bestie always forgets to message me back and he’s my bestie. Guys are guys. If they forget to message you back it can either mean that they are busy or don’t care about you.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Houston, we have a problem

It’s Christmas time!!! Almost. But today was a good day to start Christmas shopping! My friend and I spent almost all day in Harrods and Fortnum and Mason. It was insane! I bought way too many stuff but at least it made me feel good. Buying expensive things AND Christmas make me happy. I bought a new Ted Baker bag, lots of make-up, chocolate, tea, short-bread, Christmas pudding, books and much more. The bad thing is that it made me feel too confident. I put on my new lipstick and BOOM! I turned into a cute little diva. More diva than cute unfortunately. This is not who I am. This is not who I wanna be. I mean sure, I looked hot af, but was it really worth it? Getting attention from tons of guys when I only want the attention of one? I didn’t even see him today. He hasn’t messaged me all day. I’m talking about film-guy by the way. We met yesterday. It wasn’t a proper date though. He picked me up at the castle and we went to his place, talked for ages and watched funny YouTube videos. He’s the kind of guy I could talk to 24/7. He’s funny, kind and most importantly: he’s trustworthy. I’ve only met him twice and I already feel like I can trust him with almost anything. We have a lot of things in common, we can laugh together, exchange weird and crazy ideas, take selfies, be rebels, and I can simply be myself around him. He’s the cuter version of my bestie. In other words: he’s the kind of guy I’d love to be with. But does he feel the same way about me? I just messaged my friend telling him “film guy clearly doesn’t like me ;(” and that’s how he replied: “Message me again when no one likes you.” He really managed to cheer me up (no sarcasm). My bestie, on the other hand, seems to regret what he said/did when he was drunk, which is good because now I don’t have to worry about hurting his feelings. But he doesn’t seem to wanna hang out with me that much anymore. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because of all the guy drama in my life or he’s busy. Okay, I just remembered that he’s busy with work so forget what I just said. That’s me worrying about all the little things in life. I’m a great worrier (pun intended). But Houston, we have a problem: I have a little crush on film-guy. Sigh… I knew this would happen! Last week I was thinking that I forgot what it feels like to have a crush on someone and now life was so kind as to remind me. But since life is a bitch, it doesn’t want him to like me back. But did I wake up this morning thinking “Hmm I could need a new Ted Baker bag?“??? The answer is no. Did I wake up last Saturday thinking “I hope I’ll meet a cute guy today, get a crush on him and live happily ever after“??? NO. This proves that the best things in life happen unexpectedly. But what if I don’t get my happily ever after? I just got the crush and my crush is about to crush me. Like the little stalker I am I noticed that he was online, but didn’t read or respond to my message. This could mean two things: he’s either busy (like my bestie) or he’s not interested. I hope it’s the former because if it’s the latter then he’s most likely gay. But hey – at least I’d finally get to have a gay best friend then! I’m always trying to be optimistic. Nothing in life should be able to bring me down. I’ll try to worry less and live more from now on. And I swear I’ll finish my essay by Monday… Four days left!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Story of my life

I promise this is not going to be a boring story no one wants to read.

Most people do not know that I am a writer. I wrote a book two years ago. Lots of drama. The strange thing is that basically all of it came true and I have absolutely no idea how this is possible. Right now, I’m at the beginning of book two (in real life). I stopped writing book two after five chapters and now everything has come true and I don’t know if I want to continue writing the story. The book is not even about my life. It’s fiction. So why do the things I wrote down actually happen in my life? This is really confusing. But if I really have the ability to make the stories I write come true, then the story of my life would be as follows:

It was cold, but he didn’t care. He was waiting for her outside of the castle as he always did when they met up. She got a message:”I’m outside 🙂“.  With a smile she got up from her bed, put on her coat, and reapplied her favourite perfume. She had been waiting for this moment for so long. A lot of things had changed, but her feelings weren’t one of them. She hadn’t seen him in a week. It was probably one of the worst weeks – if not the worst – of her life. Not just because she couldn’t see him, but also because she made a very important decision.

One night, she was lying in bed overthinking life when she realised something: Her life seemed pretty bad to her, but actually her life was amazing; she lived in a castle, had a closet full of beautiful clothes, more sweets than she could ever eat, a family that loved and supported her, a lot of good friends, tons of admirers, and finally she had the best friend she’s always wanted to have. But what exactly made her think that her life was bad then? The answer: bad people. People who disappointed her, let her down, told her she was only a 6/10 looks-wise when in fact she was an 11/10 because a normal scale couldn’t handle her beauty. But who were those bad people? The first one was her “boyfriend” who thought it was okay to ignore her messages for three days because he didn’t have any proper free time (Seriously, it takes only 10 seconds to write a short text message and why on earth wouldn’t you wanna talk to your girlfriend and leave her worrying about you for three days???). The second one was a fuckboy who kept complimenting AND insulting her in order to get a “date” with her. When she realised who was causing all of the bad things in her life, she started thinking about the people who genuinely made her feel happy: her family, friends and her best friend. This is why she made a decision: she would remove all of the people who made her feel unloved and bad about herself from her life because those kind of people weren’t worthy of being in her amazing life. There simply was no place for mean boys in her story. This would be perfect. A story with a lot of drama, yet with a perfect happy ending.

She ran down the stairs of the castle past the beautiful Corinthian columns because she simply couldn’t wait to see him again. Hug him again. Laugh with him again. Tell him about everything he had missed in the past week. She saw him and he started smiling when he saw her. He gave her a big hug – the best hugs in the world. “I need to tell you something“, she said. “What is it?“, he replied without letting her go. “Not here“, she took his arm and led him to her favourite spot on the castle grounds. But then she changed her mind. She couldn’t do it. Tell him that she liked him. Instead, she decided to ask him three questions:

1. Why don’t you have any romantic feelings for me? (she kind of knew he did, but she needed him to say it out loud to believe it)

Answer: He did have romantic feelings for her.

2. How would you rate my looks on a scale of 1-10?

Answer: 11

3. Would you like to kiss me?

No answer. He simply kissed her and they lived happily ever after.

THE END

If all of this really comes true, then I’m either a fortune-teller or a genius. Maybe a bit of both. I guess we’ll see…

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Philosophical late night thoughts #1

Is suitor number 1 the one? Highly unlikely. But if it’s not him, who is it then?

Who?

It’s my mission to find him.

Maybe it’s my bestie. He’s always there for me, we have those movie moments and he’s one of the few people who are allowed to see me when I look my worst. Then again, he’s my bestie for a reason. I don’t wanna lose him because then I’d only have my normal friends and I don’t really tell them about all of the guy drama in my life. I keep telling myself that I hate it, but honestly, I’m feeding from the drama. To be honest, that’s probably the only proper thing I eat. Therefore, without the drama, I’d starve. I’m basically like Blair Waldorf: a popular, determined, skinny high society bitch with tons of suitors.

Emotional breakdown.

Just kidding, I’m fine. Today has simply been a weird day. Neither SN1 nor my bestie love me in a romantic sense. But still, SN1 wants to be with me. It’s confusing, but I stopped worrying about things that are beyond the reach of my capacities. I will never know what’s going on in SN1’s mind. Likewise, no one will ever understand me.

I should try to stop controlling my life and let it control me instead. I should simply wait for life to happen as stupid as it may sound. If you don’t have any expectations, you won’t be disappointed. That’s the key to happiness. Everything will work out somehow. I just have to worry less and live more. Because I only get to live one life so it better be good!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

 

Bitches, books & broken hearts

Today was a good day. Until suitor number 1 messaged me. How can one single message completely change your mood?

That’s what happened before the mood-changing message:

My new clothes for my brand new start arrived and I looked absolutely stunning in them. New clothes motivated me to stop procrastinating and get some work done so I was really productive today. Go me! I knew I could do it. I was happy.

After my very productive phase, I allowed myself to day-dream about my upcoming date with suitor number 1. I just wanted it to be perfect. It seemed like he was finally making an effort to see me and that he really wanted to go on romantic dates with me. But who wouldn’t? Any guy would be lucky to go on a date with a girl like me. The only problem is that I keep turning guys down because I’m too fixated on SN1. But SN1 was still hanging out with the slut-gang and their slut-leader is now one of his very good friends. I wanted to kill her. In my imagination I went up to her, slapped her and told her what a filthy bitch she was. But since I’m a lady AND a princess bitch, I would never hurt anyone – no matter how much I wanted to. Slapping people is just not lady-like. Even though they sometimes deserve it. And that bitch definitely deserved it. I was about to make him choose between her and me but then I realised that that’s stupid. No one can trust a bitch like her but he still kept defending her even after he told me what horrible things she’s done. I told him he can’t trust her and then he asked me why he can’t trust her because she’s a good friend and I was like “That’s because you’re stupid”. He really is. And the worst part is that he doesn’t even realise how stupid he is. Well, at least I tried to warn him. I would’ve been deeply hurt if I had a heart. Once again, I’m glad I don’t. I just told him that I don’t wanna talk about this any longer because I’m not feeling well and he was like”You feeling sick?” and I said “You made me feel sick” but what I actually thought was that I’m sick of his shit. I kinda feel like cancelling our date now. I mean what’s the point? The worst thing is that he’s jealous of my best friend even though I told him that we’re nothing more than best friends. But if he wanted me to choose between him or my bestie, I’d definitely choose my bestie. I couldn’t live without him. However, I can live without a guy who’s hanging out with a bunch of sluts.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo