ATTENTION SEEKER

I wanted attention. However, now that I have it, I don’t want it any longer. But I know if I stopped getting the attention I get now, I’d want to get it again and then I’d be sad and end up questioning my whole existence at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I’m not the typical attention seeker since I’m quite shy around people I don’t know well. But I’m definitely an extrovert. I’m an extrovert who sometimes has a break though. Like when I’m in a group of good friends, it’s hard to make me stop talking since I really love to talk – especially about c’est moi. I’m a singer, pianist and songwriter who’s scared of performing. I can’t even perform in front of my own mother. I completely embarrassed myself today when the guy I like wanted to go to the music room with me and I couldn’t play a single piano piece. The problem is that the minute I know someone’s watching me or listening to my music, I totally freak out and forget everything I know about music, pianos and the world. Especially when I’m with a person I genuinely care about. However, when it’s just me and my piano, everything’s different. My recordings prove that. Even though I’m way better in real life. He was really looking forward to seeing me perform and I was a complete disappointment. I mean, he’s head over heels for me so he kept telling me that I’m a pretty good pianist, singer etc., but I know I could’ve done better. Next time 😛

Why are feelings so complicated? I’ve always wanted to find a guy who genuinely cares about me, gives me little presents, is polite, funny, friendly, a true sweetheart, creative, interesting and smart and now that I’ve found him, I don’t know what to do with him. What would I do with him if we were in a relationship? Place him on my windowsill and water him twice a day? I feel like I’m a relationship-autist. Or maybe I’m a hunter. Now that I’ve hunted him down, I don’t want him any longer. That’s not how it works though. He’s a really good guy. A really really good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Most of my friends would be lucky to have him. Why don’t I want him then? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Maybe I should really give him a chance. He definitely deserves it.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Advertisements

Under My Spell

I did it. I messaged him. Him being my new crush number 1.

But here’s the whole story:

I realised I have tons of friends. Luckily, I’ve finally made some nice girl friends. Even though guy friends are better for getting you food, helping you carry your bag/suitcase/coat/etc., and driving you around, girl friends are better for guy talk and gossip (except my best friend who loves both even though he’s a guy). Two days ago, I went to a cafe to meet up with my band for the first time, and all of a sudden, a guy I met last week because of the fire said hi to me. I couldn’t remember his name, but I recognised him and I remembered that he sent me a friend request on Facebook. We only talked for a few seconds until my friend and I left to find the other guy from my band. In the evening, I was extremely bored so I decided to message him and we talked for hours and he ended up giving me his Netflix account details, which I wasn’t expecting.

#1 How to tell if a guy has a crush on you: He gives you his Netflix.

After that, we didn’t talk much, but we’ll meet up after the holidays (if we both don’t forget about it). To be honest, I think he’s already forgotten about me, but I don’t care because at least I have his Netflix :D. Just kidding, he’s a really nice guy and we’ll definitely hang out at some point. Just as friends though, to make that clear. No, I know you thought he’s my new crush number 1, but you were wrong! It’s eyebrow-guy. Another guy I met due to the fire. I love fires now. You meet lots of cute guys! Okay, I still hate fires, but at least I got to meet awesome new people. Basically, the fire helped me become even more popular. I’m on my way to become Queen Bee again. All of my friends are jealous because of all of the guys who want to hang out with me. Strangely enough, I find it easier to talk to guys than girls. I met up with NGND today. He’s nice, but I’m  A) not sure if he’s interested and B) not sure if I’m interested. I’ll have to figure it out. But anyhow, let’s move on to my new crush number 1: Eyebrow-guy (short: EB).

I saw EB yesterday when I was having dinner with my friends. He was watching me even though he was sitting and talking to other people. At first, I didn’t even notice him because I was only paying attention to my food and, of course, my friends (food =BAE). After dinner, I tried to find him on Facebook, but I only knew his first name so I couldn’t find him. A few hours later, he added me on Facebook, which was really strange because I had tried to find him earlier on Facebook. But the strangest thing was that his best friend and he had added me at the same time. Conclusion: He talked to his best mate about me and they tried to find me together and added me. I accepted their friend requests and since that’s a big sign that he’s interested in me, I decided to take the second step and message him first. He hasn’t read my message yet so I have no idea how he’ll react. I really hope he’s not a fuckboy because he looks like a fuckboy… Then again, he seemed nice when I met him the first time. Thus, I should start planning our wedding immediately (just kidding). I’ll keep you updated, but since it’s the end of term, I won’t be able to see any of my friends and crushes till January. At least there’s Facebook! I’ll survive. Hopefully. And I really hope EB doesn’t remember me as the annoying girl who kept complaining about her phone battery #1stWorldProblems.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

So baby pull me closer…

 

…in the backseat of your Rover.

Recognise the lyrics?

We had a Christmas party last night which ended up being more of a karaoke night. Me and NGND were on a team and my other two friends were battling us. It was so much fun! Apart from the fact that the two people who were supposed to be the jury didn’t really pay attention, but they were totally missing out.

I’m going to meet up with my band for the first time on Wednesday. I might ask NGND to come along, but then again, I’d rather be with him alone. Good news: I wrote a new song. I can’t stop listening to the recording and singing it. I think it’s my favourite song of all the songs I’ve ever written. I can’t wait for NGND to hear it… Maybe I’ll invite him over for a private piano concert sometime. That’s usually how I make guys fall for me. Play them a song, be nice and look pretty and BOOM! They fall for you. It’s really easy.

But first you have to trick them into listening to one of your songs or into coming to the music room with you. If you’re not musical, then you’ve already lost (just kidding). I have developed a new make-him-fall-for-you-technique for NGND:

Step 1: Wear less make-up and enhance your natural beauty.

Step 2: Be friendly and interested in what he has to say.

Step 3: Take him to the music room.

Step 4: Play a song you’re working on for him to make him feel special.

Step 5: Wait and drink tea 😉

I’m still working on step 1.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

 

Drama, baby, drama!!!

My life is always full of drama so why shouldn’t I write about it in a blog? Drama basically is the essence of my existence if I like it or not and, trust me, I don’t like it. On most days. Remember when my house caught fire and my cat died in the flames last week? This week, my castle was on fire because a guy set 12 fires to kill us all. Really nice of him. Some people just want to see the world burn – or castles in this case. Luckily, the police caught him and no one got hurt so everything is fine. For now…

Life-update:

Thanks to the fire(s), I made tons of new friends! I met some pretty nice girls and some extremely cute guys. I saw film-guy, but, to be honest, I don’t like him anymore and I’m currently doubting that I’ve ever even liked him. He’s not my type. But then again, who is my type? I have high standards. Yesterday, a guy asked me out and it was really awkward. Because of the fire, I was living in a 5-star De Vere Hotel. At least I had a double bed for myself, a bathroom with a bathtub, and a plasma TV. I could get used to living in hotel suites. But anyways, me and that guy were playing chess on a giant chess board and then he was like “I was wondering if you’d like to go for a drink some time? Not as a thing, no really not as a thing. Just to get to know you better”. And in my head I was like “Okayyyy this is awkward. Why is he acting so awkward? What’s his name? I’ve known him for months and I don’t even know his name…” and in reality I was like “Sure, but I’m busy next week”, which technically wasn’t even a lie because I still have to finish writing an essay and pack for my trip to Europe so this “let’s go for a drink”-thing will never happen. Not if I can help it at least. But I met two other cute guys who I’d like to get to know better. Actually, there are three guys, but one of them is a friend of mine. I should really make a list of all of my guy-crushes because not even my bestie knows which guy is my current number one. I don’t even know who’s my number one because it changes every other week.

Here’s an updated guy-list:

  1. Eyebrow-guy: The first thing I noticed about him were his perfectly shaped eyebrows. Sounds weird, but it’s the truth. He’s nice, funny, BUT he could be a fuckboy and I don’t think I’ll ever talk to him again anyways.
  2. Military-guy: We have some lectures together, but we’d never talked before. The first thing I noticed about him was his military jacket, but he’s not wearing it every day. He’s intelligent and a bit of an introvert. Maybe I only like him because he complimented me (he said that I have a lovely accent). I’ll try to talk to him again next week.
  3. Nice-guy-next-door (NGND): he is really, really, really nice. He’s always offering his help and he’s making an effort to see me. He doesn’t live next door though, but he’s the typical nice guy. I can forgive him that he forgot my name ONCE. We hadn’t even talked back then. He might not be the one, but he’s definitely a keeper.

So that’s my current guy-list. I have no idea if any of them will come to the second stage (proper dating stage), but I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

 

Houston, we have a problem

It’s Christmas time!!! Almost. But today was a good day to start Christmas shopping! My friend and I spent almost all day in Harrods and Fortnum and Mason. It was insane! I bought way too many stuff but at least it made me feel good. Buying expensive things AND Christmas make me happy. I bought a new Ted Baker bag, lots of make-up, chocolate, tea, short-bread, Christmas pudding, books and much more. The bad thing is that it made me feel too confident. I put on my new lipstick and BOOM! I turned into a cute little diva. More diva than cute unfortunately. This is not who I am. This is not who I wanna be. I mean sure, I looked hot af, but was it really worth it? Getting attention from tons of guys when I only want the attention of one? I didn’t even see him today. He hasn’t messaged me all day. I’m talking about film-guy by the way. We met yesterday. It wasn’t a proper date though. He picked me up at the castle and we went to his place, talked for ages and watched funny YouTube videos. He’s the kind of guy I could talk to 24/7. He’s funny, kind and most importantly: he’s trustworthy. I’ve only met him twice and I already feel like I can trust him with almost anything. We have a lot of things in common, we can laugh together, exchange weird and crazy ideas, take selfies, be rebels, and I can simply be myself around him. He’s the cuter version of my bestie. In other words: he’s the kind of guy I’d love to be with. But does he feel the same way about me? I just messaged my friend telling him “film guy clearly doesn’t like me ;(” and that’s how he replied: “Message me again when no one likes you.” He really managed to cheer me up (no sarcasm). My bestie, on the other hand, seems to regret what he said/did when he was drunk, which is good because now I don’t have to worry about hurting his feelings. But he doesn’t seem to wanna hang out with me that much anymore. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because of all the guy drama in my life or he’s busy. Okay, I just remembered that he’s busy with work so forget what I just said. That’s me worrying about all the little things in life. I’m a great worrier (pun intended). But Houston, we have a problem: I have a little crush on film-guy. Sigh… I knew this would happen! Last week I was thinking that I forgot what it feels like to have a crush on someone and now life was so kind as to remind me. But since life is a bitch, it doesn’t want him to like me back. But did I wake up this morning thinking “Hmm I could need a new Ted Baker bag?“??? The answer is no. Did I wake up last Saturday thinking “I hope I’ll meet a cute guy today, get a crush on him and live happily ever after“??? NO. This proves that the best things in life happen unexpectedly. But what if I don’t get my happily ever after? I just got the crush and my crush is about to crush me. Like the little stalker I am I noticed that he was online, but didn’t read or respond to my message. This could mean two things: he’s either busy (like my bestie) or he’s not interested. I hope it’s the former because if it’s the latter then he’s most likely gay. But hey – at least I’d finally get to have a gay best friend then! I’m always trying to be optimistic. Nothing in life should be able to bring me down. I’ll try to worry less and live more from now on. And I swear I’ll finish my essay by Monday… Four days left!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

Chocolate, films and stolen kisses

Last night was magical.

I was really happy because I made plans with film-guy and my bestie came over at around 11pm so I told him about film-guy. But instead of being happy for me, he got jealous and said that film-guy sounds like he’s gay (now I’m worried that he really is gay because he’s too nice to be straight). Then again, my bestie is straight and he’s really nice and funny as well. I get along with the best friend kind of guy. Suitor number 1 isn’t like that. He doesn’t even wanna see me any longer so why shouldn’t I start looking for a new person to fall in love with? I wasn’t even in love with SN1. I have to admit that I had a crush on my bestie at some point. I’m just not sure if he’s the right guy for me. He seems to be the only person who can read me like a book. He always knows what I’m thinking and when I’m lying. No one else knows that. Maybe I should’ve let him kiss me last night… He was trying very hard. But I told him it wasn’t the right moment so he just gave me a kiss on the cheek, forehead and hand. He told me that he wanted to date me from the first moment he saw me, which made me feel happy, but now I’m worried that he’s expecting us to date. I haven’t talked to him since last night and tonight I’m having a film-date with film-guy. I don’t even know if it’s a real date. It’s definitely not a date if he turns out to be gay… It seems like my gay-radar is broken. But why else would he want to see me every day for the next week to watch all of the Harry Potter films with me???

This morning was one of the best mornings in ages.

I had a nice relaxing bath in my castle and ate freshly made mousse au chocolate in bed whilst watching a TV-series. Now I’m cuddled up in bed, enjoying the rain outside, and listening to Cage The Elephant. By the way, remember that I wanted to form a band? I found a guitarist, a bassist and a vocalist and I’m a singer and pianist so I basically have my band. We haven’t met up yet, but we will soon. Then we can jam together, write songs and cool music stuff like that. I’ve always wanted to be part of a rock-band and now I have my own. This only proves that you shouldn’t let your dreams be dreams. MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. That’s what I’m trying to do. Embrace every single opportunity! If I hadn’t agreed to take part in the quiz show, I never would’ve met film-guy. If I hadn’t tried to find band-members, I never would’ve formed a real band. If you really want something in life then try your very best to achieve it! I’m sure you will succeed if you try. And even if you fail, you can still say that you’ve tried and that’s the best you can do.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo