I am a terrible person. I hurt someone’s feelings and in doing so I hurt my own feelings. I’m a manipulative and narcissistic bitch who only cares about herself. I’m worse than Blair Waldorf, Hitler and Trump altogether. I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes I’m oblivious to the consequences of my actions. Most of the time, actually. My friends don’t think that I’m a bad person, but it’s enough that I think I’m a bad person. My bestie told me I’m one of the best people he knows and that I’ve helped him so many times. My friends think I’m a good person. But I’m not. Or am I? To answer that question, I’d have to analyse the philosophical concept of a good person. What makes a person a good person? All I know is that a good person would never ever do what I’ve done. I was making fun of the guy who was in love with me. I was making fun of him with his friends. Ex-friends. They don’t talk to him any longer, but that wasn’t my fault. Or at least that’s what they told me. I’m a member of their group and he’s not. No longer. He’s no longer a member of MY group. It’s sad and I wish things would’ve turned out differently, but it is how it is and you can’t erase history. I’m just glad I’m not a politician because I screw up all the time. I wouldn’t be able to lead a country. I need something new to focus on, but I don’t want it to be my work. I’m a massive procrastinator – especially when I’m not feeling well. I just wish I could make things right. I don’t want anyone to be upset because of me. I’m talented, smart and pretty – a poisonous combination. At the same time, I’m extremely insecure. I always need people to tell me how great I am. I need to surround myself with people who admire me and my creative spirit. I do sound like a bad person, don’t I? Life will punish me now. I won’t get VIP tickets to anything anymore, my cats will die, my whole family will die, I will get murdered and all my friends will burn in a fire. That’s my future. What would be worse: dying or everyone hating you? I feel like the latter would kill me inside. I want people to love me. Admire me. Envy me. Value me. But do I actually deserve it? How can someone love me when I’m such a nasty person? I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying to be a person who deserves to be admired. I don’t think I currently deserve to be anything good. Then again, life is short so I shouldn’t punish myself. I want to be a good person. I’ll try my best to become the person I want to be from now on. I’ll try my best to fulfill my dreams. When you have a dream you should do anything possible to try and fulfill it. That’s what I’m going to do. I will work hard for the things I want. I have good friends and apparently I’m a good friend. Having friends is so important in life. They’re the people you can rely on no matter what.
I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo