Heartbreaker

I’m trying very hard to be optimistic right now. But too much optimism kills people. You should know by now that I’m a princess bitch. I get everything I want. Almost everything. There are some things you cannot buy. Like my love. No one can buy my love. I’ve never been in love. I’m not au fait with this sensation. It’s kinda sad that the only creature I loved in this world was my cat and he died. I’ve always been a narcissist though. I’m extremely obsessed with my looks and I’m currently ugly af and I don’t know how to change that. I’m the insecure kind of narcissist. I sometimes think I look great and the next day I continue saying I’m ugly and no one will ever love me. By “no one will ever love me” I mean that I will never find someone who accepts me the way I am and who genuinely loves me and who I love back. I don’t think I could love someone back. I’ve been in relationships, but I’ve never been in love. It was always just a crush. Sometimes a massive crush. A brief romance. Guys tend to fall for me so easily. I don’t even know why. I mean I know I’m fucking awesome and I look good when I’m wearing nice makeup and fancy clothes, but the insecure part of me thinks I’m fat, ugly, and not very attractive overall. I feel like I look cute and innocent without any makeup on. Then again, I look cute and innocent in general. Guys want to help girls like me. They want to spend time with me. The guy I thought I liked wanted to spend 24/7 with me. He was extremely clingy and now I got rid of him. That sounds very harsh, but it’s the truth. Now we’ve come to the tricky bit: his housemate is one of my friends and he wants to hangout with me in their house so there’s a 99% chance that I’ll see him too. It could be awkward, but it’s only awkward when you make it awkward and I’m not trying to make it awkward. Also, I went to see La la land with my bestie last week and I loved it. All of my film students friends hate it though so I don’t know what to think. The soundtrack is amazing and whenever I listen to it, I feel a thousand times better. It’s really inspiring. Me and my bestie are going to The Great Gatsby Party in London this weekend. I can’t wait! I hope it will be as cool as it sounds. But I guess there will only be lots of old people. Who knows? It definitely sounds amazing. Now I have an excuse to buy new clothes/accessories. I will definitely enjoy my weekend!

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

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