ATTENTION SEEKER

I wanted attention. However, now that I have it, I don’t want it any longer. But I know if I stopped getting the attention I get now, I’d want to get it again and then I’d be sad and end up questioning my whole existence at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I’m not the typical attention seeker since I’m quite shy around people I don’t know well. But I’m definitely an extrovert. I’m an extrovert who sometimes has a break though. Like when I’m in a group of good friends, it’s hard to make me stop talking since I really love to talk – especially about c’est moi. I’m a singer, pianist and songwriter who’s scared of performing. I can’t even perform in front of my own mother. I completely embarrassed myself today when the guy I like wanted to go to the music room with me and I couldn’t play a single piano piece. The problem is that the minute I know someone’s watching me or listening to my music, I totally freak out and forget everything I know about music, pianos and the world. Especially when I’m with a person I genuinely care about. However, when it’s just me and my piano, everything’s different. My recordings prove that. Even though I’m way better in real life. He was really looking forward to seeing me perform and I was a complete disappointment. I mean, he’s head over heels for me so he kept telling me that I’m a pretty good pianist, singer etc., but I know I could’ve done better. Next time 😛

Why are feelings so complicated? I’ve always wanted to find a guy who genuinely cares about me, gives me little presents, is polite, funny, friendly, a true sweetheart, creative, interesting and smart and now that I’ve found him, I don’t know what to do with him. What would I do with him if we were in a relationship? Place him on my windowsill and water him twice a day? I feel like I’m a relationship-autist. Or maybe I’m a hunter. Now that I’ve hunted him down, I don’t want him any longer. That’s not how it works though. He’s a really good guy. A really really good guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Most of my friends would be lucky to have him. Why don’t I want him then? What’s stopping me? Nothing. Maybe I should really give him a chance. He definitely deserves it.

Don’t forget,

I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo

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