As mentioned in my last blog-post: I am the Queen of procrastination.
That’s nothing I should be proud of. But then again, I shouldn’t be ashamed of it either because I’m certainly not the only procrastinator in my kingdom of procrastination. I promised you guys that I’d study at least four hours today… It was only two. This means that you’ll get half of a self-roast-post (nice rhyme, huh?) and it also means that I’ll probably – please God if you exist prevent this from coming true – fail my exam tomorrow. But first things first: Here’s the drama you’ve been waiting for all day: suitor number 1 turned out to be Prince not-so-charming. I’ll give you a short summary of what happened: SN1 had two of his slut-friends over for a movie night last night and at the very moment I am writing this blog-post he is in a “fancy cocktail bar” with one of those sluts. No, I’m not a jealous, paranoid, crazy girlfriend from all those soppy movies and cringy teen TV-shows. I am a princess bitch and it’s common knowledge that NO ONE should ever dare to mess with a princess bitch like me. Honestly, if this guy ever cheats on me, I will cat-nap his cat, burn it alive and send him a video of his burning cat. Or maybe his video games. Or both! Don’t worry, I’m just kidding, I would NEVER hurt innocent video games. They didn’t tell him to invite sluts over to his place and therefore they aren’t the ones that should be punished. Now that you’ve heard my tragic story, you will hopefully understand why I didn’t feel like studying today. Noooo, I’m definitely not using that as an excuse. How would you know that I actually don’t have a heart and things like that don’t affect me at all? Okay, maybe I’m lying – why am I such a good actress? Anyways, this is why I was practically forced to spend my day binge-watching those cringy teen TV-shows I was mentioning before, eating chocolate (way too much!) and buying clothes online, which I actually don’t need. Okay, I DO need them. I’m obsessed with fashion so shopping shouldn’t be used as an excuse for procrastination because shopping is productive! Yay! Did you hear that? I was productive today. Kind of. Little update: he’s at the bar with one of his guy friends, which is hard to believe since he doesn’t really have any. But who cares? I bought the hottest clothes ever today and I can’t wait for them to arrive. Especially the black lace crop-top! And no, I’m not one of those girls who wears crop-tops even though she’s fat af – at least I hope I’m not. What if my friends have been lying to me? Then again, guys don’t lie when they tell you you’re skinny. Unless it’s sarcasm. But that’s another story. See? I get way too easily distracted and that’s exactly why I can’t focus on my work. I have to figure something out if I don’t wanna fail this term. And honestly, I should start to be less of a bitch and actually become the-nice-girl-next-door everyone thinks I already am. Looking cute can be a burden sometimes. But I’m sure you guys look super cute and you can definitely relate – and if not, then lucky you! Being ugly lowers your chances of getting laid and/or kidnapped. So congrats!
Hope you liked today’s pathetic roast-blog-post and stay tuned because if my prayers won’t be heard, I will be dying in my exam tomorrow. R.I.P. ME!
I’m the girl who knows it all. xoxo